Weight Loss Plan post-baby

  1. Breastfeed whenever the child wants, even if it means my nipples are eaten off.
  2. Make a dental appointment (I’m certain I have at least 8 cavities, and probably need a root canal. After all the dental work they’ll do on me, I’ll likely not be able to chew solid food for a long long time. Plus I’ll be paying off this dental appt like I’m paying off the LAST root canal I had TWO YEARS AGO- so I won’t be able to afford food.)
  3. Stop craving/eating sugar ALL THE TIME.
  4. Exercise with my new Ab/Birthing ball- to get some sort of “core” muscles going on in the midsection.
  5. Start by walk/running and then eventually just running out the door, tossing the infant into the arms of Gabe as he walks in the door, and sprinting up and down the hills of Grandview in the hopes that my thighs will trim down enough to fit back into my pre-pregnancy pants.
  6. #5 will be more easily achieved if I can successfully update my iPod with new playlists for running and the weather cooperates.
  7. If the weather DOESN’T cooperate, I plan on getting a gym membership.
  8. I normally don’t buy into this stuff but I’m SERIOUSLY considering buying a Belly Bandit.


Running errands on my day off literally feels like I went running. Panting, sweating, thighs rubbing together, huffing, puffing, bringing groceries in, turning on the A/C even though our Electric bill was ATROCIOUS, using all of my might to close windows- and being exhausted afterwards. I hate feeling this weak and out-of-shape.

I find myself wondering, “how much longer before I start to feel normal?” I mean, of course after the baby’s born…I realize nothing will be “normal” again but when will I be able to do lunges? When will I be able to feel like I REALLY have to pee- and then I will ACTUALLY pee as much as I anticipated. I have no idea. If I’m nursing (which I plan to) will all the fat in my thighs be turned into buttermilk and move to my boobs so the baby can suck it out– like healthy lipo? I know that’s wishful thinking but man it’d be nice. 

So here I am in my purple dress that G hates:

34 weeks and 5 days.
34 weeks and 5 days.

And the baby’s room is mostly done. It’s so strange to see it- be a room that’s entirely for a baby, a person who isn’t here yet. Before, when I had the ironing board/iron in it and my maternity clothes– it was just a dressing room of sorts for me. It was my dressing room that just happened to have some baby furniture in it. Now it’s a 100%  baby room full of pacifiers, baby bath stuff, diapers, wipes, everything we need really. It’s crazy. I really like the way it turned out given that we really didn’t buy much of anything. We were so lucky to have inherited the crib and the dresser/changing table. I would say that we’ve probably spent $200 total on the whole thing- that includes paint, vinyl stickers, tiny bookshelf, humidifier and a 5×7 shag rug. Everything else was either given to us or we are using things we already had. I think it looks pretty good– I hate it when things are too matchy-matchy. We moved G’s Grandma’s rocker up there and I put a blanket on it to add some “flair”.  We also purchased a little bookshelf to shove all of Thumbkin’s books into and also place the lamp on. Our weird (old) apt. has strange electrical outlet placement so we HAD to put the lamp in that spot. I think I like it. Now, when I get a little tired as I’m getting ready for work in the mornings, I’ll just sit down here in the chair and imagine what it’s going to be like when he gets here.

rockin' chair and bookshelf
rockin' chair and bookshelf

As you can see, he’s accumulating quite a bit of toys for his shelves. We love the stuffed animals and sometimes G and I go in there and resist the urge to bring them back into our room. Yes, we’re 30 and 31 years old.

Possibly the most crowded room in the apt.
Possibly the most crowded room in the apt.

So what’s on tap tonight? Ummmm we’re grilling out (G is anyways) and I will probably watch a movie while G plays videogames some more. Woo hoo! Friday nights…awesome.

Am I excited?

Well, I’ve hit the proverbial “wall” I think- I can’t fathom getting any bigger (though I know I WILL get bigger over the next 6 weeks) and moving has become a pretty big chore. I’m not a fan of steps, pants, chairs without proper back support, any swift movement in general, deep knee bends, etc. I’m just kind of done and feel worthless.

As such, I just returned from upstairs, where I (finally) went to put on pajamas. I looked in each room and realized the bed isn’t made, my clean laundry needs put away, the bag is still half packed from the weekend, and the new shelf is on the landing of the stairwell. I still need to remove the ironing board from the nursery, I’d like to wipe down and clean everything in there- but I just don’t have the energy. Normally my house is much more tidy. There isn’t normally (clean) tupperware containers on the couch and various bags of crap laying everywhere. Normally this stuff is done and the house is neat. I just can’t bring myself to tackle it now. Is more stuff going to pile up? Or will I get an eventual “burst” of energy and want to do this? If I’m working until I go into labor- I highly doubt it. I’m so tired after work- even on my “shorter” days where I technically only work 7 hours instead of 8…I just feel worthless.

That all being said, I realize it’s about to get worse- that more crap is going to pile up and I just need to get over it. That I am not going to be able to convince G that having (at least) weekly swept floors in this house is important. I mentioned it to him the other day and he scoffed at me when I said, “You’re going to have to help me do this after the baby gets here.” I swear the man hasn’t cleaned a toilet since I met him. Why should he have to?

(G is not a bad guy, nor nearly as dirty as most guys I know- he’s just bearing the brunt of my rant because he’s down in the basement playing his videogames. Again.)

But as shitty as I feel, a friend asked me today if I’m starting to get excited. And I AM. I’m really excited to carry my baby on the outside of me. I’m excited to be un-pregnant but I’m also excited to have the actual baby in the crib that’s been set up beside my side of the bed for the last month. I’m excited to dress him up in the adorable Beastie Boys onesie I got him this weekend. I’m excited to stare at him and take eleventy million pictures of him and then plaster them all over this blog. I’m excited to kiss him and wear him in a sling and go on a walk and watch G hold him and about a brazillion other things that I couldn’t begin to express here. Yes- I’m excited. It’s just that right now the discomfort and fatigue of pregnancy coupled with the sheer terror of the impending labor/delivery are trumping the excitement of Thumbkin’s arrival.

I hope that the joy and blinding love that occurs at his arrival will then trump the pain for at least a little while (they say it does). Because right now I”m reading about episiotomies , epidurals and cervical dilation and other things that I won’t even mention on here. Yes there are other things.

Another part of me could go on and on about my toes looking more like vienna sausages than ever, or how I saw cellulite on my ARMS the other day and almost threw up on myself right there…..But I get it, you’re all tired of my weight issues and they’re obviously not getting better so I’ll shut up about that for a while.  Or at least for this blog posting.

But I thought I should probably write the boy another letter, so here we go:

Hey Thumbkin,

I’m gathering that things aren’t too comfortable in there right now. There’s a lot of nuzzling and attempts at getting comfortable that I can feel from out here. I hate to break it to you but I think we both just get progressively more uncomfortable from here on out. I know it sucks but we have to do it while you fester in there a bit longer and get fatter. I’m doing my part to feed us both and fatten us both up. Let’s face it, chubby babies are just cuter.  I think you’re really going to love all the stuff we have for you. We now have a plethora of “comfort items” for you to choose from- and most of them are lined with “soft”- which is what I preferred as a baby. I can’t wait to see which one you pick as your favorite. I’m hoping Brutus wins but we’ll see- that little frog and puppy are pretty darn cute too. 

Speaking of Brutus- there’s this little thing called football season that will be upon us shortly after your supposed due date. I know we’ve been discussing the possibility of you being born a week or two early– TOTALLY FINE if you’d like to and feel ready. But realistically speaking, I know first-babies usually make late arrivals. So I just wanted to clarify the importance of September and how FOOTBALL SEASON will be upon us…and you’ll really want to be here for it, I swear. I mean- it’s just a ton of fun and we have some outfits all ready for you..I would hate for you not to get to wear them. So let’s think about that as further motivation…be born before football season. I know you can do it!

It also appears that you are a fan of hip hop music- which I really like about you. I know you like all kinds of music I’ve subjected you to (I know I know- some of it is cheesey) but I was particularly pleased when I noticed your little rhythmic thumping to Matisyahu and Girl Talk. You’re already way cooler than most kids your age. I can’t wait to dance with you in the kitchen. (I love dancing in the kitchen.)

Well it’s only 9:30 but I’m feeling that it’s about time for me to be horizontal again. Your adorable little feet and fists like to clobber my bladder between the hours of 3am and 5 am, so I’ll plan to be up and awake at these times. As I waddle to the bathroom, I think about how in a few weeks we’ll be waking up together for mini-dinner-dates at these hours. I wonder if you’ll tolerate my singing to you then, like you do now…

I can’t wait to see you. I’ll try to have things clean for your arrival but I’m not making any promises.

Love, Mom xoxox

32 week appointment

Today was my 32 week appointment. We go every other week now- (“we” meaning me and Thumbkin) until July 22nd.  Then we go every week until…until he’s here.


Anyways, the appointment was pretty uneventful- peed in the cup (getting really good at that), blood pressure was the best it’s been…well…ever (guess that’s what happens when you quit smoking), and weighed in at….3 lbs heavier than last time. 3lbs in 2 weeks isn’t too bad.  Also heard the little bugger’s heartbeat which is going strong…and the doctor said, “Isn’t that cool?!” like he does every time.  And I said, “Yup-sounds good,” like I do every time.

The doctor said things like, “Drink a lot of water,” “Start paying attention to contractions,” “Don’t get too hot,” “You look great,” “You’re measuring right on the money,” “Probably 7-8 pounds,” “Good genetics are key,” and that sort of thing.  So all in all it made me feel ok.

Next “thing” on the list is: I have to pick a pediatrician, one that has “rights” at Riverside since that’s where we’re delivering. What stinks about that is there’s a peditrician across the street from our apartment that’s affiliated with Mt. Carmel, and then my GP is affiliated with OSU, but there’s also a pediatrician in that office too- and it’s in Grandview as well. So I have to call those offices and hope that one of them will be able to go to Riverside. We’ll see.

But all in all I’m right on track with what-I’m-supposed-to-be-doing/feeling I guess.

Oh, and I’m 8 months pregnant. 32 weeks divided by 4 weeks per month = 8 months. Holy lord. Scary.


I wanted to record what my “cravings” have been throughout this pregnancy, mainly because if I should ever find myself in this situation again, I’d like to remember whether or not they were similar:

First Trimester:

  • NOTHING sweet, ONLY salty things sounded good, though
  • I didn’t really eat much of anything, lost 10 pounds
  • tried toast/crackers/pretzels to keep something in stomach
  • only drank lemonade or water for about 10 weeks
  • got turned onto guacamole towards the end of first trimester

*At some point during the first trimester I was also really craving vodka and cigarettes, but I think that was something besides hormones at work.*

Second trimester:

  • Ice Cream
  • Pancakes
  • Minitature caramel twix bars
  • cookies
  • bread in general
  • chocolate milk, regular milk, milk milk milk
  • still guacamole/mexican food in general
  • bananas and oranges

Third trimester:

  • watermelon
  • fruit in general
  • cereal
  • hot dogs/corndogs
  • chocolate milk (still)
  • blended root beer floats from Sonic
  • sushi rolls (only the kind with shrimp and crab, not the real raw stuff)
  • ice cream (still)- though not as often as before.

the honeymoon of pregnancy

Is over. If there was a pleasant time that they write about on the websites and in every pregnancy book out there- it’s the Second Trimester, where all is OK with the world and pregnancy is more tolerable than the first trimester and from what I’m gathering, the third is no picnic either. I am now approaching 32 weeks pregnant. I am 31 weeks and 3 days pregnant. According to some random website I read yesterday, right now my baby is the size of “four navel oranges” though G and I both are leaning more towards 5 oranges in this particular instance.

After yesterday’s initial searing back pain experience in the morning, the day was riddled with get up/sit down at work. Normally I like this fact- because I don’t sit on my A$$ all day- I am required to move which is good. But yesterday I did not want to stand or walk. I didn’t want to sit either. I don’t know what I wanted really other than to feel more comfortable. I believe my abdominal muscles are separating themselves with every breath I take and ripping away from whatever it is they’re attached to at the top of my belly.  I have indigestion when I haven’t eaten anything, and indigestion when I have. Basically I woke up yesterday feeling like crap and knowing that this is just the beginning of the crapiness that will ensue henceforth for the next two months.

Another pair of pants doesn’t fit and I”m certain that if someone sliced off my belly, AND sliced off my ass, they would be roughly about the same circumference and size, if you laid them both flat on a table.  And of course, I have the lovely sweet knock-knock-knockings of the baby in my belly to remind me that the stomach will eventually flatten somewhat. But my rear-end on the other hand…well I just try to avoid mirrors these days, because I’ve also noticed my double-chin’s come back out to play. God I hope the baby doesn’t inherit this chin.

So last night I had a mini-breakdown on the front porch and began reminiscing all of the things that made me ME before I was with-child. I started thinking about how much more time I have to be pregnantand how much bigger I’m going to get. I thought about how we don’t have anyone to watch the baby after he’s born and I have to go back to work. I thought about how I nearly punched G in Target earlier in the evening when he started complaining that I was taking too long picking out a new set of towels for the bathroom, and how I didn’t end up getting the ones I really wanted because I was being too rushed. I thought about the skinny pregnant lady who looked me up and down and wondered to herself “how far along is that large redhead”? She might as well have said it out loud.  I just started to think about all the things I”m excited to do when I’m not pregnant anymore- not the baby things that every mom thinks of- snuggling and cuddling and feeding and nuzzling…but the things I can’t wait to do when I’m no longer pregnant. And then I started crying harder as I realized I will probably not have time to do all of them. Here’s the beginning of that list.

Things I can’t wait to do

  • walk/run
  • not crave/eat carbs 6x per day 
  • get a normal Mandy haircut that is flattering to my face
  • sleep on my stomach
  • not collect crumbs on my stomach/boobs every time I eat
  • go dancing
  • have a glass of wine or a mixed drink.
  • have several and get a buzz
  • “piss like a racehorse”
  • situps (So. Many. Situps)
  • breathe
  • play volleyball
  • play tennis
  • have normal (responsible) adult relations with the man who got me into this situation
  • feel pretty or attractive for just a few hours or something
  • re-organize the basement (G did it himself and I disagree with his method)
  • not waddle (this will have to wait until my thighs thin down)
  • go camping and canoeing
  • go on a mini vacation (will have to wait forever before I can take more time off work i’m sure)
  • read a book that has nothing to do with pregnancy or babies
  • wear normal underpants again (if my bottom half thins down)
  • wear normal clothes again (ditto above)
  • get rid of these red blotches on my face neck and arms (either by laser or by magical-you’re-not-pregnant-anymore-so-they-disappear-means which is much cheaper)
  • take a bath where the bath water covers my stomach
  • go to an OSU football game

I realize they all sound selfish and they are selfish and that was the idea with that exercise. In addition to that list there is a long list of things I can’t wait to do with the baby but for right now I am entitled (yea I said entitled) to complain because I can literally FEEL The shift of hormones ramping up for the last leg of this pregnancy and they make me insane. That being said, the number one thing I can’t wait to have back is my regular HORMONE LEVELS so I am not an insane crying emotional  maniac all the time. I don’t know when this is going to happen but I can’t.wait.  I hate feeling so emotional wishy washy awful. I hate crying at every song on the radio. I realize that it will likely get worse and peak after the baby is born but at least there is an end in sight.  I think it freaks G out now that he’s seen me cry like a handful of times and most people who know me haven’t seen me cry that often in the many many years that they’ve known me.

Speaking of which, I could just sit on my front porch and spend the rest of the day crying and sleeping and be completely satisfied with that today, but I can’t take a mental-health-day off work because I have to save up for this maternity leave so I should go. I’m sorry to be such a Debbie Downer but I’m just not like some people who bask in the glory of pregnancy. I don’t understand those people.

Exercise, or lack thereof

As I was bending over in the shower to turn up the hot water, searing pain went down my back, butt and into the backs of my legs. Like– awful pain. I immediately stood back up. (Duh- make the hurting stop, don’t do that again.)

I went back into the bedroom after the shower and laid down with G. I said, “When I bend over I get this awful pain in my back.” To which he replied:

“Well if you’d have been doing your Knocked Up Yoga and stretching you probably wouldn’t have a sore back.”

Thanks G, thanks.