Happy Halloween!

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Observation

I used to wear workout clothes in public while running errands or going out to breakfast because it would inspire me to workout in some fashion that day.

Now I go out in public wearing workout clothes because they have elastic waistbands.

I’m just sayin’.

It’s Saturday and rainy here in Cbus, and I’m wondering if we’ll still have trick-or-treaters on this Halloween night. Simon’s party was a success- and the sitter took some adorable pictures of him in his pumpkin outfit….even though he’s sleeping in most of them.

When I dropped him off yesterday, Ella said, “The baby’s here!” very excitedly- speaking of Simon. She was wearing a pumpkin dress and was happy they were both dressed like pumpkins. As I turned to leave I looked down to see a toddling elephant- Logan. I couldn’t even see his face, but his outfit was so cute! I can’t wait to see all the pictures Cheryl took.

Last night was pretty uneventful. I was in bed by 10:30 and up at 2, 4 and 7:45. I think I’m permanently taking Gabe off the hook of getting up with Simon because it wastes a bottle of breast milk and he (Gabe) is less than thrilled when he has to get out of bed. I mean, I feel the same way, but I hide it better because I’m a woman. Plus I have the portable feedbags so it’s probably best I get up with him anyways.  Last night I didn’t swaddle Simon for the first time. He likes to sleep with his arms above his head I realized. He pretty much slept the same as he always does. This is a good thing because we were running out of blankets big enough to swaddle him.

Today I need to go to the grocery and get candy. Uncle Brett might come by (I hope he does!) and hang out. I’ve been feeling a little overwhelmed lately and need to hang out with a good friend or sibling. I’m starting to realize the toll that working full time and parenting takes on a relationship. The other night Gabe made mention about how he can’t wait to get up in the middle of the night, then go to work, then come home and do it all over again. It is exhausting, I agree. I guess part of me just realizes that this will eventually change. He’ll eventually sleep through the night. Eventually I won’t have to plan my life around lactation. Maybe eventually I’ll have time to go to the gym and get my body back into a shape that makes me feel like I’m attractive or something. I feel all sorts of things too but the love I feel for Simon and the excitement I get for just hanging out with him at the end of a work day or on the days I have off- it masks all the other feelings for a while.

Until I put on workout clothes to run errands and realize I’ve never worn these particular Nike pants or Jacket to the gym….

Cycles.

12 weeks/3 months: the letter

Dear Simon,

Oh sweetheart you are 12 weeks old and I can’t believe how big you have gotten. I’ve started going through old pictures from August, when we first brought you home, and I have a hard time remembering how tiny you were. I was so nervous for you then- just nervous and anxious and worried allthetime and though I tried to make myself remember your tiny-ness in the moments, of course I’ve nearly forgotten. Now you are bigger. And it will continue to be so…on and on and on…

You are currently in love with your right hand. You put your thumb under your pointer finger in a fist, and hold it out in front of you and stare at it. Sometimes we can convince you to open and close your fingers around something. But most of the time you sit with it straight out in front of you- like you’re holding an imaginary microphone, or are practicing to be an orator of some sort. When you’re hungry and stick your tongue in and out of your mouth, it looks like you’re eating an imaginary ice cream cone. It is pretty adorable.

You aren’t sleeping through the night but you aren’t that bad – you just like to eat once—or twice, a night. Sometimes I’m convinced you just grunt for me to come down and rock you back to sleep. You never stay awake for long- you love your sleep still and still take long naps during the day when you’re home.

You started at the sitter’s and we now have two people who watch you each week while I’m at work. Cheryl is the sitter who watches you 1-2 days a week near the library where I work. She runs her “playschool” much like a preschool, and though her little students are all pretty young, she still does a special “curriculum” for the kids she watches, and she includes you, which makes me feel so good. I love that she doesn’t turn on the television as a baby sitter much and that she has a plan for each day. Sometimes I get to come feed you on my lunch hour and it makes my days go faster when I get to see you on my break. You are always very relaxed and happy when I pick you up from there. However, I don’t think you nap much when you’re not at home. You go to sleep pretty early when I pick you up because I imagine you don’t sleep as soundly with all the chaos going on around you. Our house is pretty quiet at home so I’m sure it’s a lot different than being at home with just me and Dad. Either way, I really like Cheryl and am so glad she is helping us out. This Friday there is a Halloween Party at your school and I’m to send you with a costume or dress you up in it. I think Cheryl’s going to take pictures so I’ll be anxious to see all the adorable outfits.

The other sitter we have is in Grandview and she watches only two other little girls part time. You’re the only baby she’ll have so it makes me feel good to know there will be plenty of attention coming your way and lots of cuddles. Your dad picks you up from there and today so far she said you’ve been great. She said you took two short naps and loved to stare at her ceiling fan. I’m still getting the hang of the working-mom thing. I’m packing us up the night before and trying to remember everything. So far, so good.

But I miss you a lot when I’m at work. I hope that working will make me a better mom because I so look forward to spending time with you when I’m home. We’ve started reading more books and every day I’m finding more and more books that I can’t wait to bring home and read with you…once this flu season is over with. Until then we’ll just read the books we have at home.

You still love your bath time and I’m a little jealous that two nights a week your dad gets to have that time with you. We like to sing Five Little Ducks and Row Row Row your Boat and all the Beatles songs in the bathtub. You smile and kick-kick-kick in the bathtub. I let you stay in there until my hands get prune-like. I’m pretty sure you’d stay in it until the water got cold if I let you. We still have to separate your chin folds to clean out the milk that gets stuck in there. Your neck is really so tiny once we lift up all the skin from your cheeks and chin. I honestly think you’re the cutest baby ever.

Twelve weeks has gone by incredibly fast- especially when I compare it to how slow 12 weeks seemed to be when I was pregnant with you. It’s amazing how fast you grow, and I love watching it happen. I can’t wait to see you when I get home tonight and rub my nose in your neck and give you a hundred kisses, read you a book and then rock you to sleep. I love being your mom.

XO Mom