I’ve been awake since about 4am. I can’t get comfortable or turn my brain off to sleep. It seems to be a recurring theme these days so I decided to finally get out of bed at a quarter after 5 and take a shower. That’s when I noticed my ankles –or rather, the ankle bone part of them not really sticking out the way it’s supposed to and that my toes look like Vienna Sausages. The edema has begun folks. I’m taking on water like the Titanic.
I have been very fortunate this pregnancy to be relatively healthy and able to get around and everything. But the last few weeks are the hard ones. When I mention some sort of ailment to Gabe, he says, “Remember this part when you want to do it again….”
And to clarify, I’m pretty sure he doesn’t mean “do it.” I’m pretty sure he means “get pregnant.” I’ll have to remind him of that, later.
The holidays are fast approaching and some of the things running through my head while I lay awake include:
When is this baby coming? When should I order the turkey? What sides should I make and how much? Should we just order an entire meal from Giant Eagle? Maybe the baby will come so I don’t have to get food. What will we do with Simon? Will I make it to his Christmas Program on December 16th? What the hell should I get everyone for Christmas? When’s the soonest I can get Christmas decorations up without usurping Thanksgiving but still be able to move around? How much more weight am I going to gain? Maybe I shouldn’t get my hair cut again before the baby comes. Why can’t I commit to online shopping for gifts? I need to bring the carseats and pack and play upstairs. I need to hang up picture frames. First I need to print pictures to put in them. I don’t like not knowing what’s going on over Christmas and where we will be for how long. I feel like I don’t want to commit but I also want a plan.
Will my water break at work? At the gym? In the hospital? Are my stomach muscles ripping apart? Do we have to pay for both weeks of preschool that Simon’s on break? When am I getting the title and registration for our new car? Should I start drinking coffee again after the baby’s born? I wonder what he’ll look like. I wonder if his head will be as big as Simon’s. I wonder what he’ll wear at Christmas. I wonder what he’ll be like when he’s four.
This is about 68 seconds of thought. None of it is all that important I realize. Prior to thinking about these things it’s usually:
Ow ow ow, roll over. Roll over. Hold your stomach and roll over-whoa don’t forget the pillows. Wait, where’s the other one? Where’s the brown pillow? The brown one that was on our couch but fits perfectly to prop up my stomach? Where is it? Where is it? On the floor? No. On Gabe’s side? No. Dammit where is that pillow. Roll over the other way. Make do with the remaining (6) pillows. Impossible. Where is that damned pillow? Repeat. Finally Gabe wakes up and hands it to me. Apparently he was clutching it. “Sorry.” He says.
How long was he listening to me rustle around looking for that pillow?
Today is a half day and I’m doing something nice for myself. I may decide to make my family dinner, and I may not. We shall see. I definitely will take a nap.