Is over. If there was a pleasant time that they write about on the websites and in every pregnancy book out there- it’s the Second Trimester, where all is OK with the world and pregnancy is more tolerable than the first trimester and from what I’m gathering, the third is no picnic either. I am now approaching 32 weeks pregnant. I am 31 weeks and 3 days pregnant. According to some random website I read yesterday, right now my baby is the size of “four navel oranges” though G and I both are leaning more towards 5 oranges in this particular instance.
After yesterday’s initial searing back pain experience in the morning, the day was riddled with get up/sit down at work. Normally I like this fact- because I don’t sit on my A$$ all day- I am required to move which is good. But yesterday I did not want to stand or walk. I didn’t want to sit either. I don’t know what I wanted really other than to feel more comfortable. I believe my abdominal muscles are separating themselves with every breath I take and ripping away from whatever it is they’re attached to at the top of my belly. I have indigestion when I haven’t eaten anything, and indigestion when I have. Basically I woke up yesterday feeling like crap and knowing that this is just the beginning of the crapiness that will ensue henceforth for the next two months.
Another pair of pants doesn’t fit and I”m certain that if someone sliced off my belly, AND sliced off my ass, they would be roughly about the same circumference and size, if you laid them both flat on a table. And of course, I have the lovely sweet knock-knock-knockings of the baby in my belly to remind me that the stomach will eventually flatten somewhat. But my rear-end on the other hand…well I just try to avoid mirrors these days, because I’ve also noticed my double-chin’s come back out to play. God I hope the baby doesn’t inherit this chin.
So last night I had a mini-breakdown on the front porch and began reminiscing all of the things that made me ME before I was with-child. I started thinking about how much more time I have to be pregnantand how much bigger I’m going to get. I thought about how we don’t have anyone to watch the baby after he’s born and I have to go back to work. I thought about how I nearly punched G in Target earlier in the evening when he started complaining that I was taking too long picking out a new set of towels for the bathroom, and how I didn’t end up getting the ones I really wanted because I was being too rushed. I thought about the skinny pregnant lady who looked me up and down and wondered to herself “how far along is that large redhead”? She might as well have said it out loud. I just started to think about all the things I”m excited to do when I’m not pregnant anymore- not the baby things that every mom thinks of- snuggling and cuddling and feeding and nuzzling…but the things I can’t wait to do when I’m no longer pregnant. And then I started crying harder as I realized I will probably not have time to do all of them. Here’s the beginning of that list.
Things I can’t wait to do
- not crave/eat carbs 6x per day
- get a normal Mandy haircut that is flattering to my face
- sleep on my stomach
- not collect crumbs on my stomach/boobs every time I eat
- go dancing
- have a glass of wine or a mixed drink.
- have several and get a buzz
- “piss like a racehorse”
- situps (So. Many. Situps)
- play volleyball
- play tennis
- have normal (responsible) adult relations with the man who got me into this situation
- feel pretty or attractive for just a few hours or something
- re-organize the basement (G did it himself and I disagree with his method)
- not waddle (this will have to wait until my thighs thin down)
- go camping and canoeing
- go on a mini vacation (will have to wait forever before I can take more time off work i’m sure)
- read a book that has nothing to do with pregnancy or babies
- wear normal underpants again (if my bottom half thins down)
- wear normal clothes again (ditto above)
- get rid of these red blotches on my face neck and arms (either by laser or by magical-you’re-not-pregnant-anymore-so-they-disappear-means which is much cheaper)
- take a bath where the bath water covers my stomach
- go to an OSU football game
I realize they all sound selfish and they are selfish and that was the idea with that exercise. In addition to that list there is a long list of things I can’t wait to do with the baby but for right now I am entitled (yea I said entitled) to complain because I can literally FEEL The shift of hormones ramping up for the last leg of this pregnancy and they make me insane. That being said, the number one thing I can’t wait to have back is my regular HORMONE LEVELS so I am not an insane crying emotional maniac all the time. I don’t know when this is going to happen but I can’t.wait. I hate feeling so emotional wishy washy awful. I hate crying at every song on the radio. I realize that it will likely get worse and peak after the baby is born but at least there is an end in sight. I think it freaks G out now that he’s seen me cry like a handful of times and most people who know me haven’t seen me cry that often in the many many years that they’ve known me.
Speaking of which, I could just sit on my front porch and spend the rest of the day crying and sleeping and be completely satisfied with that today, but I can’t take a mental-health-day off work because I have to save up for this maternity leave so I should go. I’m sorry to be such a Debbie Downer but I’m just not like some people who bask in the glory of pregnancy. I don’t understand those people.