Well between now and March 25th I really have no business, and I mean NO BUSINESS doing anything other than working on this presentation I have next week. But the weather is just now starting to change- my attitude in general is improving (about everything except for my largeness) and we’re moving- so I need to be packing, too.
I believe my belly has officially “popped” which means — my pre-prego pants really don’t fit me. And at least I look less like a fat-ass and more like a pregnant person now. Maybe. I think it still depends on what I’m wearing. Yesterday I wore these maternity pants that come all the way up to your boobs. I never understood why or how this worked. But, I have a better understanding now, and was quite comfortable all day wearing pants that look like this. I have another pair that I might put on today. My mom took me shopping so I have some options to choose from in the clothing arena, so I don’t feel like a hideous cow everytime I leave the house. G still disagrees with my shoe choice with EVERY outfit (tennis shoes) but I don’t care. My main concern is not looking like a doofus and comfort. He’s stuck with me, we can worry about putting this train wreck back together once the baby’s out of me.
Packing. Ah. Really we haven’t done much of that, but I did manage to throw away a BUNCH of stuff I have been meaning to throw away for over a year. Seriously- weird stuff like old throw pillows, old rugs that match nothing I own, roller blades, 3D Disney princess castle puzzles (I know), that kind of thing. We filled up the back of G’s truck and dumped it off at the Salvation Army. G said, “Even homeless people will scoff at this donation: shakespeare house slippers?!” Haha. I said “If they’re homeless they’ll just want the slippers and not care who’s on them.”
The spare bedroom (which was at one point Lisa’s room) is now my maternity clothing and Thumbkin-stuff hoarding room. There are clothing donations from friends and family who will “no longer be needing the clothes” and some even told me they NEVER WANT TO SEE THEM AGAIN with great ferocity. So have piles of clothes-to-return, clothes-to-donate, and clothes-to-wear-as-you-continue-to-expand. You might think this is fun or nice to have the extra options for clothing. It’s definitely better than the alternative (which is trying to squeeze into what I own and fashioning the belly band to work with it– would. not. happen.) but having piles of fat clothes laying around for the next time (probably in a few weeks) you roll out of bed and can’t fit into your normal pants again….it’s depressing.
I need to see the baby again. Seeing or hearing the baby makes me remember that I am not getting fat for no reason. It also makes me all gooey and mushy and “Oh I can’t wait to snuggle you-like”.
Last night I had a dream that we got a golden retriever and we named her Lucky. I woke up and told G this. He is staunchly against having pets, and last night told his mother so on the phone. I heard, “No, and we’re not interested.” (Apparently she’d asked if we’d like to adopt the stray puppy they found…awwww….) When I told G my dream this morning, this is how it went:
Me: I had a dream we got an adorable golden retriever and we named her Lucky
G: Nope, not happening.
Me: It was just a dream, gosh.
Me: I think Thumbkin will melt your heart and make you a softy and you’ll want to get a puppy for Thumbkin.
G: Nope, I don’t care how much the kid complains and whines, we’re not getting a dog.
Me: Someday maybe.
G: Probably not.
Me: Well it will be two-against-one, we win.
G: Ha! No.
I’m still not convinced. I think we’ll soften him up. I”ve already softened him up a ton, and he freely admits it. I don’t want a dog yet, but I don’t want to rule it out FOREVER> jeesh.
Alright I’m going to go do something. Probably eat, but maybe go on a walk or pack. We’ll see.
And I’m going to try to include a baby bump picture here so you all don’t think I’m lying. I think this would be circa 17/18 weeks? So yea. And I know I don’t look that big from the side but from the front I feel like a trailer. I always swore I wouldn’t put these pictures on the internet, but since my face isn’t in it, and this isn’t my facebook or myspace page, I figure it’s alright. Plus I haven’t shared this address with a ton of people. So here’s my gut.
So this is the week when the baby can definitely- DEFINITELY hear me. It can hear music, it can hear other people around me, etc. It can be startled by loud noises (like a hairdryer). So the other day (my day off) as I was ironing maternity clothes (because this is what you do on days off now- as opposed to having Sunday Fundays that previously were filled with appetizers and drinks at sports bars with friends) and listening to my iPod on Shuffle. It’s always such a weird mix. I’m probably the only person with “It’s a Jolly Holiday with Mary” from Mary Poppins back to back with ”Set it Off” by Girl Talk. Anyways, I’m ironing away, trying to sing along when I can.
After several songs akin to Anna Nalick, Tori Amos and Sarah McLachlan, a more upbeat song came on, one called “Get Naked” by the Methods of Mayhem, and I started bouncing and singing along. This is a nasty nasty song. My little sister put it on a cd for me years ago, and when I was listening to the cd in my car with her, she sang me the nasty nasty lyrics, and I found this to be hysterical. So I ended up listening to that cd, and that song a lot, and laughing and memorizing the lyrics. So as I’m bouncing around, ironing maternity clothes, singing “Get Naked”—I wonder to myself, “When will I have to stop listening to such nasty nasty music?” Some of my favorite music is littered with eff bombs and other not-so-great things. In fact, nothing makes me (or G) bounce and around (and ready to party) quite like the song Shake That by Eminem.
When and how or will I censor the child?! I’m against censorship! I was heavily censored as a kid! I still haven’t seen Gremlins, Beetlejuice or Ghost Busters! There’s a vast majority of music, movies and pop culture that I missed out on because I was censored. (Or my parents were sheltering me from the evils of rock and roll…see how great that worked out- I’m still unwed and pregnant.) On one hand, I’m thankful that I never watched a lot of the crap that people watched back in the day. I mean, I never had to listen to Roseanne and I wasn’t introduced to real under-achievement until college (not via Bart Simpson like most people in my generation).
But I got out my big huge CD binder in the car, so I can expose the kiddo to lots and lots of music, and so I can also listen to the music I have loved for the last 10-15 years and sing along. And I’ll try to feel…unpregnant, free- windows down, smoking a cigarette, shoes off, etc. You know, reminisce about the times when I could just listen to a song and feel good about it- in general. Or maybe dance along and do some sort of ass shaking that would embarrass my mother…no wait…I can’t do that.
Because it’s hard to imagine myself ever looking/sounding/feeling “cool” again singing or dancing along to either one of those ridiculous nasty songs, now that I have a big round Santa Claus belly anyhow. Le sigh. Pregnancy, and then Motherhood (to me) is likely stealing what little sexy I had. Nothing shall bring it back. How will I ever feel “hot” again? I mean it only happened like a dozen times in my lifetime thus far anyhow.
that I will no longer attempt to try on my skinny jeans. They are not “skinny jeans” in that those terrible hipster tapered leg jeans that are cool right now, but my regular old jeans that I bought when I got skinny- last summer. Le sigh. They no longer come even close to buttoning, even when I’m sucking in. Today also marks the day that I bought my first maternity shirt- at Target, for a mere $4.63 As Is. As it is, I think it looks fine and can’t see anything wrong with it. At least in maternity clothes I am an extra small. XS feels good on the day you can’t fit into your favority jeans.
On the other hand- my sister lent me a bunch of pants and jeans that still fit, even though she is apparently hella taller than I am because I have to wear heels to have the bottoms of the pant legs not drag on the ground. This, combined with new weight on my front and being clumsy in general– well I’m noticing I’m not-so-graceful these days. In fact, I swear my gait is widening into a sort of waddle. I think I may be crab-walking or bear crawling by the time I’m 9 months pregnant. I just feel so weird. And it’s like as soon as you get used to the way you’re feeling—> BLAMMO it changes and you’ve got something else to get used to. It’s so bizarre.
Today is also the first day that I started packing in the basement. And it’s also the day that I bought Thumbkin his/her first decoration for his/her room. It’s a neato wind-chimey thing made in India that I got at World Market. I read in a book that it’s good to have wind chimes in a baby’s room. Has something to do with Feng Shui and whatnot. I didn’t really give it much thought but this little wind chime thing I found is adorable and was the first thing that I saw and was like, “Oh, this is perfect for Thumbkin!”…which is a relief because up until now I was worried the child would never have anything from me. I kept looking for something to jump out at me and say, “Buy me!” but nothing did. It’s all cute and adorable and soft and fuzzy but in order for me to buy it, it has to be perfect.
These wind chimey things are. I’ll take a picture. Later. Now I’m off to happy hour….my first time going anywhere with friends and attempting to look decent. It’s interesting. I feel- weird. I feel like I should be wearing pajama pants. And I can’t wait for G to join us after he gets off of work because I will certainly feel better with him there.
This morning I was eating my breakfast of Eggo waffles and pre-cooked sausage, and G was laughing at me as a string of syrup nearly went down the front of my bathrobe. I told him, “Don’t judge me.” I eat a lot these days. I’m making an effort to eat healthy- apples and oranges and bananas and brocoli- when I can, sometimes, mostly during the day…but I am definitely getting bigger in places that are NOT carrying a baby: specifically my legs/ass region. I am not happy about this. In my experience, the only things that get rid of weight in this region are: eat less, run, squats with weights. I’m NOT doing a squat. The thought has crossed my mind like twice and it’s just not happening. I’m also not running. But when the weather finally gets nice, I would like to briskly walk around outside in my neighborhood in order to impede the fat cells for accumulating further on my netherregions. But is’s still so flipping cold it probably won’t heat up unti I’m too fat to move, much less leave the house. Boo!
We found an apartment that we REALLY REALLY LIKE! We put an application down on it- and now we’re just awaiting the credit check- which is unbearable. About 8 months ago I consolidated my student loans AND my credit cards. This means I closed the accounts and started paying an outside company one big payment that they send out to my card companies. The benefits are: the outside company (nonprofit) got my interest rates down to 5-6% so I am actually paying off the card and not just paying off the monthly interest rate. The bad part: I don’t have a credit card and pretty much live paycheck to paycheck. I mean, I have a lot more money now that I”m not spending it at the bar 4 -5 nights a week, and I’m saving what- like $40+ a week on cigarettes, so lately I’ve felt like I have more money than I used to anyways. But I just worry what this recent credit consolidation will look like on whatever kind of credit check the new landlord puts through. Oh gosh we really love this place. It’s hideous on the outside, and the inside is all retro-seventies style. ORANGE countertops in the kitchen! I love it. We still have a few other places to see but paid $35. each for the background check on this one that we like. The landlord said, “I’m sorry but if you’re not married I have to charge you each $35 instead of doing one check for the both of you…” Yet another person insulting our decision to not get hitched right away. Does anyone EVER think things through anymore? Jeesh.
So we should know this week if our credit is good enough for this place. And if it is- we move the second weed of April. ?! SO EXCITED! I’m going to throw away half of what I own in a spring cleaning binge first. IT’s going to feel so good.
Pregnancy related updates: I’m fairly certain that Thumbkin kicked me at 6:39 this morning, and then two more times around 8am when I couldn’t get comfortable in bed. It did not feel like a fart really. I was sitting really still and paying close attention to my belly because it feels weird in the mornings, and that’s when it happened. It was WEIRD> I’m hoping I will feel them more obviously later on because this time it was sort of anti-climactic like a burp or something. I can still fit into pants that are a size or two too big. I’m going to the doctor today for a normal “check up” and I’m going to ask them why they’re asking for us to pay for the delivery and everything (in full) by May 24th when I’m not due until mid August. I don’t pay for half-cooked food at a restaurant, why would I pay for a half-cooked baby? Hmmmmm?????? Anyways, I’m hoping they can lend some insight into that nonsense. I might be getting some genetic test done today….but I don’t really know why. They’re basically going to give me a bunch of math numbers and ratios that I won’t really understand. I mean, a BAD outlook would be “Your baby has a 1 in 300 chance of having Downs Syndrome”…1 in 300 doesn’t sound that bad to me. I’m really terrible at math though. And maybe I’m wrong, and that testing isn’t happening at this appointment. I don’ teven know. Because that’s what else is happening: my brain has gone on the fritz. I forget things and have become completely irresponsible (moreso than before!).
Meh, oh well. If anything else happens I’ll update later tonight. Also- this font is really tiny isn’t it? I can’t decide on a layout. I may piddle around with that, too. Hope you’re all having a great day and stay tuned for better postings later….
*Baby sounds good, so far no news on AFP test. Also will only cost $500 (only?!) to have baby and I can pay it as I go. (I think.)
I know, that the right (or smart) thing to do right now, while creating a baby inside of me, would be to eat properly. Let’s try some legumes, some lean protein, etc. I’ve been reading about pregnancy weight gain (I know I know I shouldn’t obsess about this, shut up) and it makes sense that if I gain 15 pounds of weight due to overeating vegetables and fruit, it would probably be easier to take off post-baby body.
(**Let’s also not forget that everything I decide to eat takes about 2 days LONGER to get through me due to the fact that the baby SUCKS ALL THE NUTRIENTS OUT OF THE FOOD with its tiny little mouth which takes forever. I’m guessing that’s because of the tiny-ness of its mouth and that there really isn’t a lot of nutrients in Taco Bell food. What does this mean? This means I need food that will travel QUICKER throughout my bowels. Fiber=quicker.)
Here’s the problem. Aside from the occasional banana, orange, frozen peas or broccoli, I am not really all that interested in fiber at all. In fact, I would prefer to sustain myself on pasta, pizza and breadsticks for the duration of this pregnancy. I have also discovered a new love for peanut butter toast and cheerios in the morning, as well as the ice cream bowl before bed. These are all empty calories. This is not a good thing for someone who’s nightmare revolves around the circumference of her thighs.
Why is all this carb-loading a bad thing? Mostly because I live in Ohio and it’s cold out and I’ve been doing nothing but laying on my ass for about 6 months already. I kind of stopped working out because I was just eating enough to sustain life and substituting remaining caloric needs with Stella Artois in the evenings. I’m almost certain that the initial 10 pound weight loss that occurred within the first 6-9 weeks of this pregnancy has as much to do with cutting alcohol out of my diet as the fact that I thought I was going to blow chunks everywhere, all the time, thus hindering the desire for food.
My parents took me out and got me some groceries when they first found out about the pregnancy. Kind of a treat like, “Oh WE’RE going to make sure our grandbaby eats right like we do. We’ll even buy the FANCY produce from Fresh Market as opposed to Giant Eagle.”
Did I eat that stuff? OF COURSE I DID. I love going to those swanky stores and pretending that I can afford the organic dried banana chips. But in reality- especially since becoming pregnant– I have wanted pasta, bread and meat.
Will this change? Tonight I ate pasta- and I shoved about 7 pieces of broccoli down my throat for good measure. But I could’ve done without the broccoli and had an extra piece of garlic bread. Sigh.