A year ago this week…

Keeping a big secret on Christmas morning 2008

A year ago this week I found out I was pregnant. It was the strangest, scariest and most emotional Christmas ever for me- as I hadn’t told anyone yet as it was SUPER DUPER early at Christmas. I found out when I was just 5 weeks and 1 day along- and within those first two months I dropped 10 pounds from nausea and nerves- not knowing what to expect and being up all night wondering how my life would change.

When I look at Christmas pictures from last year, I can see how tired we both were. My parents thought something was “wrong” with me but couldn’t pinpoint it. I wasn’t drinking wine as much as I usually did. I wasn’t sneaking out for cigarettes as much as I previously did, and I was asleep much earlier than I normally would be at Christmas time. They had no idea I was pregnant- I think they thought it was cancer or something.

For the record, those pants fit again. Hooray!

Looking back at that Christmas, being so afraid and nervous about something so huge and life altering- and NOT sharing it immediately with my family, was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I’ve never felt so alone and scared before and when I finally did tell them all, it was as if a thousand pounds had been lifted off of my chest and I was able to breathe and handle the situation differently- which mainly meant bitch about how miserable I felt for nearly 10 months straight.

I remember looking around in our living room at all the people I love opening presents and trying to imagine a baby being there next (this) year.

Our Christmas spots.

Where would he or she sit? Where would we put all of his or her crap? How would a baby fit into this already full family?

And now I’m pretty sure that “the baby” is part of the reason everyone is so excited for Christmas. They want to see baby Simon- Gabe and I are just the “handlers”. The newest little Simon fits so nicely that everyone crowds around waiting for their chance to hold him, or watch to see what he does next. It’s quite hilarious. I also believe that this first little grandbaby has evoked a sense of “we’d like more please” from my parents. It’s like babies just ooze joy and become the glue that makes families stick closer and generations stay tighter.

Last year at this time I was the most scared I’ve ever been- worried about my life, how much I”d loved it before, how it would change and I didn’t know how I could adapt.

And I love my NEW life even more- in a completely different way. I’m so glad I waited this long to start a family- I’m proud of everything that’s happened in my life so far, and I love my new mini-family with Gabe and Simon so much. It’s all very very good here in the Simon Geig household, World of Warcraft, not nearly enough closet space and all.

I am so very thankful for all that I have. This baby has become my love-magnifier, making everything in my life that I previously loved even more exciting and lovable than it was before. Whether it’s watching my family gush over how beautiful he is, or watching the many videos that Gabe takes while he and Simon are home alone together playing, or the music in our lives that we cannot wait to share with the boy, the dancing, the food, the playing, all of the things in life worth sharing with others become so much more fun knowing we get to experience them with a brand new person all over again- like watching your favorite movie with someone who’s never seen it before.

I love this little life we’ve built and I can’t wait for every Christmas and stressful holiday that follows. I appreciate each moment and will remind myself to do so often.

My Bundle of Joy

milestones

We made a trip back to my hometown so Simon could go to Grandma and Grandpa’s for the first time and meet Pap, my paternal grandfather. When we were little, we called him Grandpa George. He always had Bubble-licious or Hubba-Bubba bubble gum in his pockets for us, or in a stash above the refrigerator. Grandpa still lives in the farmhouse that we all loved to visit as kids- and he hangs out in the kitchen where the old electric apple clock loudly whirs on the wall above the sink. He was so excited to meet Simon. I was excited too.

Simon, Great Grandpa Simon, and me 8/25/09

Simon, Great Grandpa Simon, and me 8/25/09

Simon also took his first real bath this week, and though he initially freaked out upon being placed in the tub, Simon quickly quieted down when he hit the warm water. His blue eyes opened wide and he appeared to enjoy being washed up.

Slippery when wet: Simon's First Bath 8/24/09

Slippery when wet: Simon's First Bath 8/24/09

We also got to hang out with Aunt Miranda and Uncle Eric- and Aunt Kim.

We can't wait for Aunt Miranda to visit this weekend!

We can't wait for Aunt Miranda to visit this weekend!

Simon has so many relatives that love him so much, I barely held the child while we were there. When we finally got back to Columbus I just held Simon for a while all to myself. I love sharing him with family, but it was nice to have him back to myself for a bit.

Then last night, because Gabe missed his video games and because he’s generally an awesome person- I went to bed at 10:30. He brought the pump up to bed and woke me up to pump, but then let me sleep until 5am. It was the longest sleep stretch I had in a long time.  I was so thankful to get a little caught up. So at 7 this morning, me and the kiddo hung out on the couch and took pictures and ate cereal (well I ate cereal- he had milk). But how adorable is this onesie?

"That's how I roll"

"That's how I roll"

IMG_3309

Making Milo Famous

I had an amazing fun-filled weekend that consisted of lots and lots of family and friend-visiting in northeastern Ohio, my hometown. I am EXHAUSTED. I was so tired this morning that I forgot my cell phone at home, forgot my lunch, and pretty much am barely making it through this work day. Thank goodness for a three day (holiday!) weekend ahead and hopefully we can get some rest.  I plan to write more when I get the chance, but for now, I would like to introduce you to my newest furry nephew Milo, who belongs to my dear brother Eric and sister-in-law Miranda.

Introducing Milo

Introducing Milo...

Who's not all that interested in people..

Who's not all that interested in people..

But he sure does like his buddy Jake!

But he sure does like his buddy Jake!

Easter

Well, this weekend was Easter weekend.  Since I couldn’t get home my mom came down on Friday and we spent some time looking around stores up at Polaris and then made lasagna at home and I got some grocery shopping and errands run to Target and whatnot. It was nice to have mom come to my place and stay. I’m so glad we ended up getting a three bedroom apartment instead of a two- it is so much nicer to have guests- even if our extra bed isn’t that comfy and the hardwood floors hurt your feet. I love coming home to this apartment so much more than the one I’ve lived in for the last 3 years. 

I think a lot of that comfort and loving-our-new-home stems from having G there too- his stuff intertwined with mine (even though he gets all crabby about how most of his stuff ISN”T) – mostly his books and bookshelves and artwork (the art that isn’t offensive- and if I think it’s offensive then YES it’s OFFENSIVE).  It’s strange that all of the sudden he and I are having a relationship adjustment period- to living together, even though we had pretty much been living together for the last year or so. Now it’s official, on a lease and whatnot- and we’ve definitely had some grumpy periods where I wanted to scream at him or when he thought I was being ridiculous. But I think it’s ok.

When mom was in town she got me this awesome print from Pottery Barn Kids. I am actually quite jealous that the baby owns something new from Pottery Barn and he’s not even born yet- while I have been waiting my entire adult life to be able to afford something from Pottery Barn and I have yet to be able to purchase anything from there. It doesn’t appear to me that anyone NEEDS anything from Pottery Barn. They’re always extra things that aren’t necessary. But this piece of artwork is adorable- little lambs embroidered onto a canvas. They’re sleeping and it’s a peaceful piece of art. G and I are both hoping it influences the child to sleep as well.

In other news I decided I was going to make a playlist for Thumbkin, a cd or three for him from me. I had started a little list of songs and my sister (the almighty omniscient music-finder)  has helped by providing me with two cds from which I’ll also be pulling songs that I never would’ve remembered I liked. The cd mixes she makes are awesome and the two she just sent me in the mail are the perfect new spring selection of indie music I’d like to introduce Thumbkin to, now that his little ears can likely hear what’s going on out here in world.

This week is another doozy though work-wise. I have a presentation again (SO over these things) and also two days at a conference that starts at 8:30 each day. I was almost pressured into another outside-of-work-hours-event but I’m not doing it. I’ll use pregnancy and lack of sleep as my excuse I don’t care.

Because I didn’t sleep well last night at all and I’m wondering if this is the start of something that will continue on and/or get worse.

I woke up choking and not being able to breathe because apparently whatever I ate for dinner didn’t want to stay in my stomach last night. Not gross flu puking type of thing but more like, I need gravity’s help to keep my food down sort of thing. After I took a Pepcid and propped myself UP to go back to sleep, I then had to get up two more times to pee because the bugger has rested himself on my bladder.  And it is a long cold hallway to waddle down at 3am and 4:30am in underpants and a tanktop. Thankfully the hallway isn’t a wide one so I can hold the walls as I waddle side to side all the way to the bathroom.

So that’s what’s going on here. Oh, that and today I’m on a sugar binge that I’ve never experienced before. There are homemade cookies, cakes and pie here at work and I’ve decided to just pop a prenatal vitamin and have at it. I’m going to snack-all-day instead of eating big meals and see if that helps with the whole keeping-food-in-my-stomach thing.  We’ll see!

how life’s already changed.

So I may have mentioned (begrudgingly) that I quit smoking. I’ve quit drinking. I don’t really do much of anything that I did before– other than work and sleep. And now I watch a lot of television on the internet (re-runs since we don’t have cable) and movies that I hijack from the library (yes, I check them out) or from Blockbuster. I typically hate watching movies, but this is the only thing I can find to do to keep my mind off things lately. Plus it’s been so cold and miserable I just bundle up on the couch, turn on the space heater and watch the movies. I will at some point get up to eat, see what G is doing, and then I get back into my nest on the couch.

But, occassionally people will visit me. And it is awesome when they do because I remember- “Oh, this is what it’s like to talk to other people outside of work!” And I’ll even hear myself laughing sometimes and taking part in conversations. It’s nice. And then those friends look at each other and say, “I want a cigarette” and they walk outside to the porch to smoke. And I say, “Me too.” Only I don’t get to get-up. Instead I hope that the smoke comes in under the door or through the enormous cracks in the windows. And I breathe it in. I know that’s messed up and sick, but come on. I miss smoking. I feel left out. I wish I could go out and “take a break” too.

I also feel left out when other people go out and have fun downtown or at the bars. I shouldn’t say that I miss alcohol- because I would have a glass of wine or something if it were that bad. I don’t think that alcohol in moderation would be that terrible if I was really jonesing for a beer I would have one.

The problem? I don’t want one. I want enough to give me a buzz. Since I haven’t had any booze in quite a while maybe that’s all it would take but still- I think about a nice relaxing buzz for me, and then I think about a 3 inch long baby sipping on a thimble of beer. Hell let’s give it a tiny little cigarette too. Wow that’s one cool looking baby. (Yes I find this imagery amusing.) And then I feel bad for its teeny tiny lungs, kidneys and liver. So I abstain from all of it. I had a sip of G’s beer the other night and it tasted delicious. But I told him it would only be a hundred more times delicious if I had a cigarette to go with it. And I don’t. So it’s not worth it. Le sigh.

So what makes me happy these days?

The best things that happened to me this weekend (in no particular order):

  • G got me valentine’s day candy (chocolate covered toffees that he knew he wouldn’t eat because he doesn’t like them and I LOVE them) even though he doesn’t believe in valentine’s day. He also told me I get to pick a fancy place to eat and we can go out together tonight so I’m excited for a good meal and a “date” with him this evening.
  • My brother and sister-in-law are moving an hour closer to me NEXT WEEKEND and I am just THRILLED TO BITS about this. I realize it’s not like they’re moving to the same city but I’m just SO HAPPY that finally if we want to get together for dinner or something it’s totally possible. For the last 5 years it seems my family has all had someone close (within an hour) to them so they could run home to have mom’s lasagna or celebrate a birthday or some other random event with an afternoon of shopping and then an early dinner. I’m not one for driving 6 hours in one day so I didn’t get to join them often. I was always invited, but it just didn’t ever seem worth the exhaustion of all that driving. NOW I GET TO SEE THEM WHENEVER I FEEL LIKE IT! Okay, well whenever I want to drive an hour but it seems so much closer than they were before. I’m truly truly ecstatic.  So this weekend we got to talk about the move and hang out and Gunner (their amazing and wonderful dog who thinks he’s a person) was here too and it was so nice to hang out with them. They are content with either watching movies or just sitting around talking so it was perfect.
  • My friends from DC and TN were also in town so it was nice to catch up with them as well.
  • I FOUND BELLY BANDS!!!!!!!!! This was truly the highlight of my weekend, even though it sounds ridiculous now that I’ve explained the other great things that happened this weekend….it still was the highlight. Belly bands are pieces of stretchy nylon stuff that feel like tights/pantyhose material and look like a tube-top. I never understood the hype or appeal of these things until lately, when about mid-morning everyday, I cannot keep my pants buttoned. Well, I can- but it is incredibly uncomfortable. So for a while, I tried to use a rubber band to keep them together- but not fastened completely. This worked okay…but my zipper kept coming down and i felt uncomfortable– like the rest of the pants were falling down…it was awful. These “bands” fold down overtop of your unbuttoned pants and keep them securely where they’re supposed to stay. AND they kinda sorta work as a girdle. AND they are usable throughout and beyond the pregnancy. AND they’re comfortable. AND I think this is what people who have fluctuating waistlines in general should just buy instead of getting new pants. Seriously, they are awesome. Having these belly bands makes me feel like I can still wear my clothes without having to worry about buying “fat-pants”. And I was SO happy about these bands that I bought myself a too-big skirt that I know will work as a maternity skirt down the road this summer. Right now I could wear it as a sleeveless dress but eventually it will work. I. Love. Target.

So that’s how life has changed for me so far. This weekend, my weekend off of work, was filled with company coming into town, me NOT smoking, NOT drinking, eating way more than I should have, NOT exercising, watching movies, hanging with my family, and buying bands to wear around my gut as it expands and I can no longer button my pants. If that isn’t a hot Valentine’s Day weekend, I don’t know what is.

More later….