A year ago this week I found out I was pregnant. It was the strangest, scariest and most emotional Christmas ever for me- as I hadn’t told anyone yet as it was SUPER DUPER early at Christmas. I found out when I was just 5 weeks and 1 day along- and within those first two months I dropped 10 pounds from nausea and nerves- not knowing what to expect and being up all night wondering how my life would change.
When I look at Christmas pictures from last year, I can see how tired we both were. My parents thought something was “wrong” with me but couldn’t pinpoint it. I wasn’t drinking wine as much as I usually did. I wasn’t sneaking out for cigarettes as much as I previously did, and I was asleep much earlier than I normally would be at Christmas time. They had no idea I was pregnant- I think they thought it was cancer or something.
Looking back at that Christmas, being so afraid and nervous about something so huge and life altering- and NOT sharing it immediately with my family, was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I’ve never felt so alone and scared before and when I finally did tell them all, it was as if a thousand pounds had been lifted off of my chest and I was able to breathe and handle the situation differently- which mainly meant bitch about how miserable I felt for nearly 10 months straight.
I remember looking around in our living room at all the people I love opening presents and trying to imagine a baby being there next (this) year.
Where would he or she sit? Where would we put all of his or her crap? How would a baby fit into this already full family?
And now I’m pretty sure that “the baby” is part of the reason everyone is so excited for Christmas. They want to see baby Simon- Gabe and I are just the “handlers”. The newest little Simon fits so nicely that everyone crowds around waiting for their chance to hold him, or watch to see what he does next. It’s quite hilarious. I also believe that this first little grandbaby has evoked a sense of “we’d like more please” from my parents. It’s like babies just ooze joy and become the glue that makes families stick closer and generations stay tighter.
Last year at this time I was the most scared I’ve ever been- worried about my life, how much I”d loved it before, how it would change and I didn’t know how I could adapt.
And I love my NEW life even more- in a completely different way. I’m so glad I waited this long to start a family- I’m proud of everything that’s happened in my life so far, and I love my new mini-family with Gabe and Simon so much. It’s all very very good here in the Simon Geig household, World of Warcraft, not nearly enough closet space and all.
I am so very thankful for all that I have. This baby has become my love-magnifier, making everything in my life that I previously loved even more exciting and lovable than it was before. Whether it’s watching my family gush over how beautiful he is, or watching the many videos that Gabe takes while he and Simon are home alone together playing, or the music in our lives that we cannot wait to share with the boy, the dancing, the food, the playing, all of the things in life worth sharing with others become so much more fun knowing we get to experience them with a brand new person all over again- like watching your favorite movie with someone who’s never seen it before.
I love this little life we’ve built and I can’t wait for every Christmas and stressful holiday that follows. I appreciate each moment and will remind myself to do so often.