I am at work and currently I am not enraged, sore (I’m not standing or moving) or completely irritable because it is quiet and I’m in the back room. I am not completely angry though I have been moderately annoyed for 2 days straight and I hope it goes away soon because last night I worried that G and I might explode at one another. As it turns out, he’s been irritated too.
We don’t really fight- ever. We’ve had one “fight” that happened a night that we both got drunk and I made fun of his jumper cables in his car. (They were ridiculous- plugged into the lighter in the console of his truck- hardly REAL jumper cables.) He thought I was attacking his manhood by insulting his jumper cables. I got mad and he got mad. I don’t remember much more than that, but we laugh about it from time to time. Other than this “fight” we haven’t had anything close to that in a long time.
Last night he got mad at the DVD player because it was in Progressive Scan Mode and refused to turn off of this mode. Mad is probably an understatement because I thought he was going to throw the machine through the wall. This particular DVD player also has a VCR in it, and it was a hand-me-down. I told him I was not upset or surprised that it didn’t work anymore. He was just furious that it would not come out of Progressive Scan Mode. This anger led to additional furious mumblings that sounded like this: “grumble grumble [expletive] air conditioning [expletive] life [expletive] grumble grumble” SLAM (dresser drawer) SLAM (closet door?) “grumble grumble” STOMP STOMP “[expletive] grumble”
And I went out on the porch to cry.
Like the good baby-daddy he is, when he eventually simmered down enough to come downstairs and notice I wasn’t on the couch watching the movie on the dvd player he’d just re-hooked up for me in the living room, he came outside and asked what was wrong. I told him nothing other than what was wrong before: I don’t feel good, I’m tired of not feeling good- physically and about myself, and I am done with this pregnancy nonsense. After a few minutes, I asked him, “Is that just how you act when you get mad?” and he said (somewhat sheepishly) “Yea, I guess so.” I said (quietly), “Okay.” Then I cried a little more to myself as he said (sincerely): “I’m sorry.”
Then we both sat there for about an hour, rocking on the rocking chairs, saying nothing.
And that’s usually how they go, folks-the fights. Very little talking, lots of cussing at/to ourselves and the situation, stomping and perhaps slamming of things- and G asking what’s wrong and me saying nothing and eventually it all melts away as we just sit in the same room as one another in silence and try to seethe separately and let it go away.
Eventually we get over it. And I’m so glad that it works this way because I think if either of us tried to talk when we’re angry, we’d say things we’d eventually regret.