On August 4, 2009 at 4am in the morning, I had waddled down to the couch to sleep for a while because I wasn’t sleeping well up in bed. I figured it was due to overeating at Figlio and ice cream cake that Gabe treated me to on my birthday the night before– just didn’t feel right. By 4am I felt like perhaps I didn’t quite make it to the bathroom. Then…I half asleep thought to myself, “Maybe my water broke?” because I really wasn’t sure if it was that or if it was pregnancy- related incontinence. I went back to bed and just hoped I would “know” if I started having contractions or something.
By the morning I really wasn’t feeling good. I started to get ready for work and just knew I couldn’t make it. I told Gabe I thought maybe my water broke and he’s like, “Don’t you think you would KNOW?” and I said, “How would I know? I have no idea?” I called the doctor and texted into work that I had an appointment. The appointment was at 12:20 and I planned on going into work after- because I had a sneaking suspicion that they would just send me home saying, “Your water didn’t break, you pissed yourself again you idiot.” So I didn’t tell anyone that I was even worried about it.
By 10am I started to feel REALLY lousy….about every 10-15 minutes. I thought to myself- “Um….if these aren’t contractions, I don’t know if I can handle labor.” I made Gabe come on his lunch hour and drive me to the doctor because I didn’t think I could drive. At the doctor they said, “Yup- you’re in labor- go to the hospital, do not pass go. You are 3 centimeters dilated and your water broke.”
I went into the waiting room and told Gabe, “It’s baby time we have to go to the hospital.” The look on his face was priceless. We drove to the hospital. Got checked in. Was having WICKED contractions and was thinking to myself- there’s NO WAY I could do this without pain medication. Maybe that makes me a pussy- or maybe that makes me sane. I don’t know, either way, this is NO JOKE. I had an epidural at 3 centimeters around 1:30. By 5pm I was pushing. The nurses were shocked by how quickly I dilated to 10 cm.
The Pushing Part:UM— SUCKED. The first hour I was ok. By the second hour I was waning. The third hour I just didn’t believe that the baby was ever going to come out of me.
He was sunny-side-up, making it very difficult to push out. So the nurses and doctor were trying all the could to turn him…while he was still inside of me. This meant laying on my belly, trying to turn him by his head…and each time he would roll back over. The doctor finally looked at me and asked if I wanted to try the vacuum and that it would leave a mark or bruise on his head but it would probably help a lot to get him out- since he was stuck in there. I said yes…sure, let’s just GET THE BABY HERE ALREADY!
The vacuum thingy didn’t work. Instead it ripped off a bunch of skin and made Gabe almost pass out when it popped off Simon’s poor little dome. The doctor said, “I’m sorry I’m going to have to cut you…” which at the time I was like, “I don’t care if you have to cut me in HALF…” because I was feeling contractions and the pushing and all of it was just too tiring.
And I haven’t even MENTIONED the insane maniac nurse that was there trying to get me to push. That’s for another day.
At any rate, after more pushes and a big ol’ taint incision, Simon Gabriel Geig came into this world at 8:25pm. Seven pounds, even ounces and 21 inches long. Brownish/reddish hair and white eyelashes. He had the biggest conehead I’ve ever seen and he looked at me and I said, “He’s perfect.” Immediately people started saying “the conehead will go away” and I just kept saying, “He’s perfect.” I was so happy to be unpregnant and to have him here. And like I said, I gave birth to the perfect baby.