Letter to the boy, month 38

Sometimes I think about months, and how it’s only been 38 months since my kid has been around. And it’s only been 47 months since he was like….created, and then my mind freaks out and I’m like- TIME! I DON’T UNDERSTAND YOU!

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At any rate, the letter.

Dear Simon,

I’ve noted this to some other people but between September 4th and October 4th, 2012, you apparently aged 2 years or something. Though you JUST turned three, I mean, just a MINUTE ago (technically two months, but whatever) — you have changed in so many ways. It’s shocking. When babies are babies it all flies by so fast. I mean, you expect those changes to occur quickly- month 1 to month 3 it’s like WHOA! But once you hit age 2, parents tend to think- “Okay, he walks, talks, etc…..what else could we expect from him quickly?” Let’s just outline the few things that happened this past month:

  1. You decided to start wearing underpants and reliably- pee and poop on the potty. This happened over the course of about THREE DAYS. And it wasn’t three days of hell, three days of me following you around with a timer, cleaning up a ton of accidents, nothing like that. I swear that you just decided one day to do it, and you did. We had a little trouble with the #2’s, but that’s typical, and on vacation you grasped the concept after realizing that your cousin Wyatt put his poop in the potty (after TWICE attempting to empty poop into the potty from a pull-up or underpants- WHOOPS) but regardless, you got it, and now we’re down to pull-ups at bedtime and can I just tell you- this is one of those, “My kid is a genius” moments that parents get when their kids do something pretty commonplace. But life changes so dramatically when you no longer have to think of diapers. We officially moved the Diaper Genie out of your room. Your changing table is now just a dresser. You regularly go to the bathroom on your own, unattended. And this happened SO FAST. Rock on with your bad self, Simon.
  2. You pretty much cooled-it with the unbearable tantrums. I want to say that it has something to do with the way we have been parenting (and maybe it has) but I really do think that those tantrums had something to do with a developmental phase–and it ended after a few weeks. And now, we just….live. With very little fits being thrown right now (KNOCKING ON WOOD). You did it, mister! So proud!
  3. You started taking gymnastics and you LOVE it. I go out and warm up with you for about 10 minutes before I get to watch and snap iphone photos of you while you bounce on a trampoline and attempt to follow directions in the 3-4 year old class at Wendy’s Gymnastics. It is a great outlet for you and in just 3 short weeks I’ve noticed a tremendous difference in your understanding of how your body moves and taking directions. This is also a great way for you to experience being instructed to do something by someone other than a family member or babysitter. It makes me so proud, and what’s more important, is how you walk like Frankenstein out of the gym everyday, gazing at the “Good Job” stamps on your hands after having a great day at the gym. It’s fan-freaking-tastic and I am so glad we signed you up.
  4. You now are a bifocals wearer- and you spent the first three years of your life mostly blind, apparently. You weep at nap time and bed time when we tell you to take them off. “BUT I CAN”T SEEEEEE!” is how it normally goes. You will never know how much I feel like I’ve failed you by having absolutely no clue you were blind as a bat until your eyes were completely crossing when you watched Blue’s Clues in the mornings. Anyhow, you love your glasses. Your eyes don’t cross when your’e wearing them. And you seriously look like a little man- much much older with them on. People hardly believe that you are “only three” when I tell them. You just look like a little grown up.
  5. You’ve started the “why” phase- which is way more adorable when other parents are talking about it. The Why phase is great, in that it seems to have replaced the Negotiation Phase. Every day things previously were taking forever because I had to convince you to do them. But NOW – you’re okay with most things, so long as I tell you WHY we’re doing them….and why the sky is blue…and why we wear seatbelts, and why mommy works, and why….you get the picture.
  6. We’ve moved up your bedtime because you sometimes nap and sometimes don’t. When you do nap, you’re usually out for 2-4 hours, which makes us think you need naps. But you still don’t put up too much of a fight at bedtime. If it’s getting dark out, you know it’s about time. This is probably the only good thing (according to me) coming out of the whole winter-time, less daylight hours thing.
  7. You will only wear shirts with footballs on them, NUMBERS on them, or jerseys. You are going to be a football player for Halloween, even though you are a football player every.day. I don’t say “Put your shoes on” when we leave the house, I have to say “Put your cleats on”. I’ve returned to the house to grab your football helmet after leaving for work/sitter drop off before. You are addicted to the game.
  8. We signed you up for preschool for the summer, and assuming we get a call (we’re waitlisted) you will be going to “school” starting in the summer months. We still have to arrange for after school pickup and care, but how did this happen?! School?!
  9. I let you walk at the grocery store now, instead of getting in the cart. You can be a huge help actually. However, the panic that ensues when you go just out of my eyesight can seriously suck all the air out of me. But still, it’s a big change.

How did all of these things happen in just a month?! I find myself watching you and thinking, “What happened to that baby I knew? You know, the one with the rolls in his neck and the big chubby cheeks?” He’s been replaced with a lanky boy who asks a million questions, tells me he loves me and doles out hugs and kisses regularly. I find myself struggling to keep up with all of the changes, and in the same breath not wanting to miss out on one more thing- You’re only three for so long…you’re only going to let me cuddle you for so long…it’s just…hard and awesome and hard and amazing and….

Have I mentioned how much I just love being your mom? Daily I am impressed by you. Daily I’m reminding myself to tell you how proud I am, but also how proud you should be of yourself. Because when I tell you I want you to be a “big boy” – and I know you WANT to be a “big boy,” there is a part of me inside screaming, “not TOO fast…”

But it IS happening too fast, and that’s what life does. When I start to think about it too hard- remembering my own first memories of when I was just a tiny bit older than you…it’s like the wind is knocked out of me and I can’t breathe. This is life, we’re living it, making memories in our tiny house, with our Ohio autumnal weather and work days and runny noses and half-assed meals after work and the time just slips by without realizing it.

I hope you know how much I love you. And even if you don’t know now or within the next twenty years, I hope eventually you do. Keep on doing all the great things you’re doing. I’ll be just fine. *sniff*

Love,

Mama

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