I’ve downed half a miller lite now, so I’m fine.

I’ve coaxed myself off of the edge so I’m good. But against my better judgement I’m going to click publish anyhow, because I don’t have anyone else to bitch to, internet. Enjoy.

Things that will make you feel like garbage (in no particular order)

1) After four days of Simon having and wearing his bifocals, we have conceded that yes, he was in fact nearly blind and we had no clue until he was completely cross eyed. Tonight as I took his glasses off before bed he wept and flailed about dramatically crying “but I can’t SEE!!” And even though it was bedtime and he didn’t need to “see” in the dark, I still felt like garbage.

2) Rushing home from work and preparing a meal (two separate meals- 1 veggie burger and corn for Picky McBratterson, spaghetti and meatballs for the grown ups) that I’m not even hungry to eat- and immediately rushing up to bath and bedtime routine, finally getting downstairs,still in work clothes, and what do ya know, not one GD thing has been cleaned up. Not one dish in the dishwasher, nary a Lego man tossed in the toy bin. Someone was kind enough to leave those chores for me….after having finished about 15 others this evening. My favorite thing in life is to pick up after everyone else. Again, garbage.

3) Finding a giant hole at the bottom of the fitted sheet of my very favorite softest set of sheets we own. It was not on my side. I want to blame Gabe, because I’m irritated with him. So I will. Again, garbage.

4) A program I was very excited about at work was attended by two moderately impressed boy youths, and two not-at-all impressed tween girls. And it ended a half hour early because the boys had to go to karate and the girls were acting like maniacs. Meanwhile, the teens I actually wanted to attend the program lounged around the couches of the library flirting, texting and being cool. Programming fail. Garbage.

5) Co-workers glaring and whispering in my general direction, seemingly because I’m working and collaborating. Stronger word than Garbage.

6) Signed Simon up for preschool starting next summer- and have no way of retrieving him at their 5:30 required pickup time. Garbage. Have almost a year to figure it out- still crap.

7) I spent my two kid-free hours organizing clothing in Simons room today. It is still a mess and there are four- FOUR half filled laundry baskets of various clothing items littered throughout the house. I may light it all on fire.

8) Since being back from vacation I feel like 89% of everything I’ve said to Simon has been a command, threat or punishment. He wanted me to play baseball this morning. I had to pack lunch and clean the kitchen. Garbage.

What’s funniest about all of this is that I spent last night watching the end of a documentary I started the night prior called Happy. In this movie, I learned that as we age, our dopamine receptors shrivel up and die, thereby creating less opportunities for happiness as we get older. There are things we can do to maintain our current dopamine receptors- namely exercise (ha), excel at something (“Flow“), contribute to the Universe in some sort of giving-way (volunteering, service, etc.) or basically you’ll die unhappy. The science of happiness really intrigues me, and let’s face it- is much more interesting than the study of depression. I watched this movie believing that I am happy, at least happier than a lot of people- and thinking that I really need to focus on those things in my life. So I did. All day I did this until around 7:30pm, at which point I reached my threshold for bullshit.

Tomorrow I’m hoping to do some retail therapy with some gift cards I’ve not yet spent from my birthday. I’m hoping that some fall clothes (and maybe a hair cut within the next few weeks) might have me feeling like a new woman with a new attitude.

We’ll see. Cheers!

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