So I recently (as of Monday) switched jobs. My title is the same, but the location has changed. And with the location change, a million other changes have also happened. And I would like to state for the record, that having a baby (particularly a “surprise!” baby) will prepare you for any other change in the world I think. My resume states something saying how I “actively handle change” in a positive way…and I don’t know if that was entirely true until now. Strange how personal life changes can effect your professional life, huh.
Before/Right when I got pregnant, I wasn’t very happy in my job. I think a lot of it had to do with my own misconceptions of what was going on, and another big part of it had to do with hormones and just being pissed off about my entire life situation. I needed something to be frustrated with, so I picked work. I didn’t feel like I could change anything and I felt stuck. That’s the worst feeling in the world. I truly don’t think it was the job so much as my own personal outlook on everything at the time. My negative feelings in general (at home) seeped into the other major part of my life (work) and it was contagious and toxic negativity. I feel bad for people who had to be around me for 9 months. I was miserable, and I know it. The people I worked with accepted it, and were still great to work with despite my suckiness. They didn’t fire me. They probably should have. I couldn’t see any light at the end of any tunnel. I have to assume that my boss saw that it wasn’t really ME being that way, because they let me stick around and even threw me a party. I mean, how freakin’ lucky can a person get?
The “jist” from what I can tell, starting with pregnancy and ending…well never I guess, is that as soon as you get used to one thing, get into the groove and know how to handle it- it changes. It was so as my belly grew larger, as my maternity leave ended, and as the child goes from a cold, to possibly teething, to lordknowswhatelse can go wrong or throw a wrench into your day to day plans. I knew that having a baby would change my outlook in that my priorities would shift- however I had no idea how it would make my tolerance level for BS get higher, how envious I would be of mothers at storytimes with their babies, how quickly I can jump into a task- AND how quickly I can forget what I was doing just 5 minutes prior. Everything’s different now- at work and at home, and I like it.
The new location has given me more responsibility in certain respects, and less in others. And I have to say that it’s also given me a new (even better) impression of the organization for which I work- because I see how they really do want their employees to grow and learn, and to not get bored. They want us to feel challenged, and that’s part of the reason I went into the field of Library Science. However, I know that not all libraries hold lifelong learning in the same regard that our organization does- and for that I’m truly thankful. Additionally, I’m getting to know more people and it’s like I can FEEL the synapses in my brain firing more often- or at least building new connections as I learn new things…not just the what and the where- but the HOW. I like that. I like what I”m doing. It’s different, it’s challenging, and I know it’s not permanent. Nothing is. However, I’m so thankful for the opportunity to grow with this organization and really understand how people end up staying with it for as long as they do. Things change. And if you can handle the changes and learn from them, it makes you a better person.I honestly feel that this organization cares more about their staff than most any other place I’ve worked before (Starbucks being another one). When an employee feels valued, they stick around, and they stick things out. I feel like they care. So even if they don’t, I feel like they do- so I’m going to learn as much as I can wherever they need me. How’s THAT for flexibility?!
So for the last three days I’ve been doing something completely different. It’s not easy, and I feel like the new kid at school. I’m nervous and I over analyze everything I said and did at the end of each day with the kind of nervous self consciousness that I’m not used to- but it’s good. I feel like I’m learning and changing. I feel like I’m outside the hamster wheel and feeling my way around. I get to ask questions and make new friends. I hope they like me.
So after these days when I’m nervous and anxious and wondering if soandso is mad because I didn’t notice the ruckus first, or if soandso thinks the comment I made was rude or inappropriate…I come home to my family and tell Gabe all the things I learned, and I play with Simon, and then eventually my head hits the pillow for a few hours before the baby wakes up and needs me.
It’s a good life I’ve got right now. And not a day goes by that I don’t sit and appreciate that. Sure, things piss me off now and then, and I’m not on cloud nine or anything like that- but I can’t say that I would change anything for now. Even the weather hasn’t gotten me down because being trapped at home is the best place to be trapped in my opinion. So I just wanted to note that Changes Happen, and I handle them better than ever, and I’m everso thankful that I’m getting the opportunities I’m getting in my work. Part of me thinks that 2010 might just be my year.