Don’t freak out

I am not depressed or have postpartum depression or anything but man, I do have a case of the Mondays and I’m not even working. Maybe it’s the fact that I go back to work soon. Maybe it’s the fact that I’m still not where I want to be with my body and weight. Maybe it’s because I really would like to go somewhere – out – with people and have fun for awhile alone…and more of the people I used to do that with have moved away. Now that the hype of pregnancy and baby has died down (yea right…) I would love to go to a happy hour with some friends and I’ve totally lost touch with the ones I had before all this happened. Or they moved to Tennessee- which has to be warmer than here. Maybe I should just follow the next friend that moves. Or the last ones. I don’t know.

On the other hand it’s not like I have time to really be going anywhere or doing anything anyhow. I get out of the house for a random trip to the store and to the gym- where I am easing myself back into a workout routine that is pathetic at best. Today I attempted to work obliques and my body said to me, “What? There’s muscles under here? Prove it.” And I have a feeling I’ll be doing oblique crunches for the rest of my life.

It doesn’t help that Gabe’s been in a terrible mood lately. He hates his job (always has) and now that he’s back at it he’s just a JOY to be around when he comes home miserable. Of course, that will be compounded when I start coming home from work…in a similar mood. Did I mention that Simon gets crabby from around 5pm until bedtime? Yea…should be fun.

Upside is that with these “moods” we don’t have to worry about any other Happy Accident Babies.

But the last few days have really sucked for me and I’m not afraid to say that. I’ve been avoiding a big cry by working out and bottling everything up. Oh, and by doing that my jaw is all sore from grinding my teeth at night- awesome.

The baby is the highlight of all my days of course, the squirming and the nursing (YES the nursing!) and the smiling and the rocking to sleep– all of that is the good stuff I’m sure to memorize as this maternity leave comes to a close. But feeling lousy about myself and my relationship certainly doesn’t make anything any easier I’ll tell you that much. It has to get better I suppose. Maybe it’s the weather changing.


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