For the past three days I’ve had EVERY intention of doing the following:

  • Going to the Gview library to get some books
  • Going on a walk with the baby
  • Going on a REAL walk (like exercise kind) by myself
  • Doing exercises while the baby sleeps
  • Going through my clothes to see what may or may not ever fit me again

None of those things happened. I did however, start to bathe Simon each night in an attempt to calm-him down and get a bedtime routine going, even if he does wake up at 11, 3, and 5. The boy loves his baths and I almost hate to take him out of it. Tonight my hands were starting to get prune-like so I had to get him out. He just loves it so much. Then I rocked him for a while and put him down in his own bedroom. He looks so tiny in that enormous crib. I imagine he will only last in there for a little bit- he’s not swaddled or anything but as I turned off the lights and walked out of that room I thought…

Holy crap that’s my baby.

It’s like in the anxiety ridden days and nights of making sure his every need is met, somehow I forget sometimes that I’m a freaking mom now. Like- FOR REAL. (Then I just try on a pair of pants and notice I now have a muffin top and think- oh yea, you ARE a mom. Evidence at midsection.)

Though I did remember when I went to go pick up the pizza tonight and drove past all the bars and was like, “Oh, it’s Friday…shit.”  And I miss the weekends I used to have. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with saying that. Perhaps that will make our adult vacations (if we ever get to go on them) even more fun…? I don’t know.

Tomorrow Gabe only works until 1 so I’ll get his help in the afternoon. This week has been a good and interesting one- it’s brought up a lot of questions in my mind about a babysitter I would hire…like-

How will someone who doesn’t love Simon react when he has one of his shit-fits-over-nothing? The boy at times turns rigid with anger and bright red. He screams until you figure out what he wants. Sometimes I can’t even figure out what it is we do to fix it, in which case we just blame it on gas or something. It’s so strange. He’ll be laying there all peaceful then WHAM! PISSED OFF.  Even the lactation consultant we saw said she’s never seen a baby go from 0 to 60 like that. How will a sitter react to him? Sometimes even I get exasperated over that shit.

Oh, and BTW- no sitter yet. I may have found someone (more expensive than I’d like) for Wed. and Thurs., but Tues and Fridays so far – nada. I’m still looking and completely freaked. I mean, I can’t even find people who will agree to the schedule, much less people I can actually ask questions and interview. It’s also incredibly hard to search for sitters when you have the infant with you. I feel like I need one day without him just to scour the internet, make calls, organize my search, etc. That’ll happen…shyeah.

But another excellent move in the right direction happened today…Simon woke up at 7am, but I didn’t have to feed him…he just went back to sleep. So he went from 5am to 9:30am without a meal in between. IT. WAS. AWESOME. I’m hoping the same will happen tonight. I don’t care which feeding he wants to skip– just skipping ONE is great. What was the secret? I fed him an ounce more with each feeding yesterday, which I think made him more full. Also, (don’t judge me here) I put him on my chest when he woke up. He zonked right back out. When he would stir at all I just patted his back and he fell back asleep. And I’ll admit it now that I slept too. I think half the time he wakes up it’s because his stomach hurts. When my stomach hurts, I like to lay on it. Today I had him do Tummy Time a little bit longer than usual and it seemed like he had less stomach complaints.

Alright i started this posting last night and am going to just post it now (saturday morning) because I don’t really have time to go through and edit right now…


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