Panicky

So. Today was a day of slight panic- one where I start looking at the calendar to make “plans” at work- I have to have some things done by July 1st and there are other things that are happening in September and this is all very normal to be looking ahead or down-the-pike sotospeak but holy $hit I looked at my calendar in September and started writing things down and realized…Um….

I’m going to have a baby by then. Like, my own baby. The baby that keeps stretching out my stomach and attempting to get comfortable…that baby is going to come out of me. And really- by September he should be here. And that is almost enough to send me into a full-on anxiety attack.

My first reaction to that is, “Ohmygod we’re not ready for this.” and “I didn’t think this through.” which turns into “How exactly does he plan on getting out of there? Particularly if he continues to grow each week until mid-august?!?!” and finally to  “I will never sleep again.”

So I try to switch over my panic into:

“Let’s make a list of all the things that need to be done before the baby gets here.” or “Concentrate on getting the ironing board and your maternity clothes out of the nursery and find a place to put all the diapers…” you know, stuff like that. It’s still neurotic. I’m still panicky, but at least I’m not focused on the stuff I can’t control- it’s stuff I can control… and I do better with that.

To top this freaked out feeling off, Gov. Strickland announced on Friday that he’s proposing enormous cuts to the Ohio Public Library Fund, and that elimination of other state jobs is inevitable. This is bad news for these new parents: Ohio public librarian (moi) and State of Ohio employee (G). G has told me over and over that he’s an essential employee there- which I hope is true- but I can’t help but get nervous when we rely on what teensy tiny incomes we make off of our public service jobs.  Let’s hope that it doesn’t come to that…

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One thought on “Panicky

  1. Freaking is normal (or so they tell me). I was doing a lot of that recently. They also told me that complete and utter melt downs are normal and that it means the end is coming (of this madness, not the end of the world or anything…). I cant decide if I should believe them or if its just a tail they tell to make you feel better (like rain on your wedding day is good luck. really who believes that nonsense???)

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